Speechless

Greatest video ever?

Bo Knows Clock Management

Fuck Marcus Allen.

Nahnahnah Hodeup Hodeup!

So the next time I'm playing ball with my boys, and I convert a layup (I mean, it'll look like an attempt at a dunk, but I'll just finger-roll the ball at the last second) and then slap the rim, is it cool if I say it's a dunk? Like, I can do the tongue-wag and maybe a finger-wag while I backpedal down the court. Is that cool? Can I get sports journalists to write about my "dunk"?

I mean, imagine if NBA players started slapping the rim after layups. It would "change the face of the game".

OK, I'm being really hard on Michelle Snow. I bet it's really hard to slap the rim after a layup. Timing, hand-eye coordination. The fear of being ridiculed by your peers when they find out you didn't really dunk but you tried to make it seem as if you did.

Manfis Blong Bigfala Kaofis

When I found out that Vanuatu was the happiest place ever today, I figured it'd be cool to go there. After checking out there official language, fuck that shit. I am not getting stuck in a movie about voodoo killer dolphins that were created as part of a secret experiment conducted by the U.S. Army during World War II so I can listen to these fuckers try and explain to me what's going on so I can save a small village from certain destruction.

I've seen that movie, and when fuckers talk like that, fuckers die.

50 Million Dong

Some kids in Taiwan cheated on some tests like in Old School using wigs, cell phones and whatnot. The best part is that they paid 50 million dong to get the wigs and phones.

1) Dong at use in a bank:

"How do I know your bank is safe?"
"Sir, I assure you we are very safe. We will take good care of your dong."

2) Dong at use at home:

"Did you see where I left the dong for the pizza guy, honey?"

3) Dong at use during a poker game:

"I raise you a dong."

4) During a mugging:

"Gimme your dong!"

5) During a church fund collection:

"Please place your dong on the plate."

dong² (dông, dng)
n. Vulgar Slang
A penis.

Dolphins are Delicious

Dolphins and tuna, swimming together in harmony. In my stomach's digestive juices. Best snack food ever, mostly because I hate dolphins.

Adidas launched the website for their new skate sneakers today. Really nice site. The sneakers? Not anything I haven't seen before. Someone needs to get me the kicks Mark Gonzalez is wearing in the graphics on the site though.

Happy Len Bias Day!

Why did you leave us so soon?

Did anyone else see Wade push Adrian Griffin on his way to scoring the game-tying basket? That's not a foul but apparently not touching a guy as he fumbles a layup is. Really good officiating in that game last night.

Playoff Beard of the Lost

Playoff beards are an ancient tradition in hockey, primarily the NHL. Sources indicate it started with Erik the Red back when he was a rookie with the Kansas City Scouts in 982 A.D. (he was expelled from the NHL after, in a fit of rage caused by losing game seven of the Stanley Cup Final, he murdered half the Toronto Maple Leafs roster).

I'm a big fan of the playoff beard. I haven't touched a razor or scissors since the playoffs began. But in all the years I've witnessed this facial phenomenon, I've never seen anything quite like the beard sported by the Edmonton Oilers' Sergei Samsonov. It's like Cha-Ka from Land of the Lost grew up and trained to be a hockey player in Russia:

Glorious. "Playoff Beard" has a great running tally of the best of the best growths in this year's playoffs.

I don't know if I quite agree with the "only players left in the final round qualify" thing he's got going on, because Scott Niedermayer always brings his "A Game" in the playoffs. Dude was at stage four before the playoffs even started.

Top Ten Stanley Cup Final Cliche Stories

10. Edmonton can come from behind to be only second team to overcome 3-1 deficit in the Final

9. Hurricanes on verge of first championship

8. Small-market team wins Cup (applies to both teams)

7. Glen Wesley, in his 10,456,624th season wins the Cup, and retires a winner (this would be higher on the list, but Wesley hasn't been a good player for years)

6. Unsung goaltender overcomes adversity and steals the series back for his team (Jussi Markkanen filling in for Dwayne Roloson, the other best goalie in the playoffs)

5. Rookie goaltender Cam Ward (only five years old) wins Cup, Conn Smythe

4. 75 year old Mark Recchi finishes career with one more finals win

3. Doug Weight beats former team of eight years to win Cup

2. Doug Weight finally gets his name on the Cup after 927 seasons

1. Rod Brind'Amour can finally win Cup in his 2,846th season